Creighton elections have come and gone, bringing into office another batch of hard-working Creighton students. Outside the bubble of the mall (yes, there is a city that extends beyond 2500 California Plaza), actual elections have also come to pass, and to be honest, I knew more about the candidates for student government than I did about the candidates for actual government.
My knowledge of the Creighton candidates consisted of all sorts of relevant information: their ability to pump mind-numbingly awful music up and down the mall and to spell their names in bubble letters, their armies of annoying Рbut eager Рsupporters who would accost you as you tried to walk to class, their unquestioning resolve to use as much paper as possible to inform the students about their leadership skills, their willingness to take a paid position, continue the status quo and bolster their r̩um̩s all in one fell swoop.
In contrast, I can’t even tell you the names of any representative, senator or mayors.
This brings me to the point of my article: Creighton should allow, or even force, candidates running for U.S. government positions to set up booths along the mall. It would be great – a win for democracy!
That way Creighton’s student body could learn some valuable information (i.e. what I learned about the Creighton candidates). I know there are some coordination issues: There are countless (I think, but I’m no poli-sci major) representatives, senators, mayors, etc. It’s OK, I’ve already thought about that.
Creighton could have a weekly rotation of candidates depending on the region they are representing. The Creighton administration would have to allow for all the weeks that the mall is a bitterly cold wasteland. This would be roughly from November until late April.
Of course, there is another issue surrounding this idea: Democrats vs. Republicans. Creighton couldn’t let them share the mall – they have irreconcilable differences!
There is no way the two parties could even be in the same place at once. Fighting would ensue, mangled limbs and all that. The candidates would have to flip-flop days.
Still, all of this begs the question: What if government candidates don’t want to come to Creighton?
Well, that’s just ludicrous. Creighton is the pinnacle of the Midwest, a shining bastion of knowledge – need I remind everyone that Creighton is the top-rated Midwest university associated with the Jesuits, with an anthropomorphic bird as a mascot, without a football team, with a brick-laden mall, without a swimming pool, with a fountain that used to spin but has since stopped, without a marching band and that is going through prioritization presently? Who wouldn’t want to spend time on our lovely campus with its beautiful array of flowers blooming between June and October?
Creighton needs to turn this dream into reality! I need to know the facts about who is running things. How am I to make an informed decision unless I know if Jim Suttle prefers to blast “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy” or “Check It Out?”