Have you ever found yourself watching the Creighton men’s basketball team and thought, “Wow! These guys are the best in the nation?”
Of course you have because it is completely true. Creighton could easily beat any college basketball team in the country. They could also beat your intramural team, but your team is probably garbage.
I can hear the protests already, “What about ESPN’s rankings?” Let me share a little secret with you, rankings are subjective. To really determine who the best team in the nation is, you need to look at the facts.
I have set forth on a quest to prove that Creighton can beat any team ranked higher than them in ESPN’s top 25. Let’s get started.
The first team on the list is Florida. The Gators are doing well in the SEC, currently sitting in third place. The problem with Florida is that Tim Tebow attended classes there in- between football games and mission trips. Who do you like more, Tebow or Doug McDermott? I thought so, moving on.
Next up is San Diego State. This is by far the easiest team to debunk on this list. Creighton beat them on the road in November. The Aztecs are ranked ahead of the Jays, proving that some people just guess when filling out their ballots.
Michigan State is a school with a long basketball tradition. The best player to ever come through its ranks was a young man named Earvin Johnson. In 1984, Johnson and his Lakers fell to a Boston Celtics squad led by Larry Bird. Bird attended Indiana State whom Creighton thrashed last Saturday. Check mate, Sparty.
Georgetown holds the No. 10 spot in the nation, but do they really? I mean, can a Hoya really hold anything? What is a Hoya, anyway? Creighton can beat Georgetown because “Hoya” is a stupid nickname. Remember kids, this is a science.
The Murray State Racers think they’re pretty tough because they have the best record in the nation. They also like to brag about their victories over Memphis and the Calloway County Nursing Home. Well, the joke is on them, because I contacted the local nursing home here in Omaha and they have no interest in playing against the Bluejays. Creighton is simply better because they are more intimidating to old people.
The North Carolina Tar Heels may seem like a great team on paper, but they have already admitted defeat to the Bluejays. On Tuesday, the North Carolina Soccer Hall of Fame inducted current Creighton men’s soccer head coach Elmar Bolowich. Bolowich is now the king of everything in North Carolina and so is Creighton by association.
The Baylor Bears have started the season strong with a 17-2 overall record. I saw a bear once. When it looked at me, I threw a carrot at it as a peace offering. The bear did not catch the carrot, however, which I believe would be a huge factor in a hypothetical game between Baylor and Creighton. As a side note, I was unharmed in this bear encounter since Gray Animal Farm employees frown upon their bears attacking guests.
Duke has been reeling from recent media attention regarding the lack of students showing up at home games. This seems ridiculous to me because I am not quite sure what you are paying for if you attend Duke without attending Blue Devil games. Creighton’s fans are obviously better since they can fill the student section while still being able to tolerate Blue Crew.
Kansas’ last loss was against Davidson of the Southern Conference. In early December Davidson lost to Vanderbilt. Ten days later Vandy lost to Indiana State. Once again the Sycamores are making my job easier. Rock chalk Bluejays.
Syracuse is in the middle of a child abuse scandal right now, which I will not mention because I am above it. Creighton wins because they are not in the middle of a child abuse scandal right now.
Ohio State made a big splash in college football by hiring head coach Urban Meyer.
Meyer coached such quarterbacks as Alex Smith and Tebow. So the Ohio State football coach’s former quarterbacks were both knocked out of the NFL playoffs. Creighton’s football coach is non-existent, which is better than being associated with Alex Smith.
Missouri is currently ranked No. 2, which would make them a formidable foe in a matchup against the Bluejays. However, Missouri lost earlier this season to Kansas State. Kansas State lost to Oklahoma on Jan. 14. Former Phoenix Suns’ power forward Garfield Heard attended the University of Oklahoma. Heard is most famous for making the shot that sent Game 5 of the 1976 NBA Finals into triple overtime. The Boston Celtics ended up winning both the game and the series. That Celtics team featured Creighton grad Paul Silas. I just caught the Tigers by the toe.
Finally, there is No. 1 Kentucky. The Wildcats’ only loss of the year was to Indiana. The Hoosiers lost to Nebraska on Jan. 18. Creighton beat the Huskers in a game which left Nebraska coach Doc Sadler looking corn-fused. Also, John Calipari makes my skin crawl.
There you have it folks. Creighton is easily the best team in the nation. Don’t bother arguing, my logic is infallible.