Have you ever noticed that one kid on campus that often appears to have very few or no friends at all? You know, the guy that sits in your history class, but other than that you NEVER see him on campus. Or if you do, he’s eating dinner in Skutt, alone. And heck, maybe you even tried to be friendly and said “hi” once, only to be greeted with a slight smile and a wave. You know which guy I am talking about, right? Well, I do. Because I was that guy.
Some people prefer to be quiet. Some people are shy. And then some people have social anxiety. Pretty self-explanatory, social anxiety is anxiety about social situations. And by social situations, I mean everything from speaking in front of a large audience to saying “hi” to a fellow peer walking on the mall.
Social anxiety is unique in that those who suffer from it want to socialize and interact with others, but it is fear that holds them back. Fear of what? Fear of being judged, evaluated or even scrutinized by others. Yes, even by you.
It is this continuous fear of potential embarrassment in social situations that causes individuals with social anxiety to retreat back into a comfort zone of isolation and seclusion.
And from there, the chances of ensuing depression, drug abuse and thoughts of suicide steadily rise. Everybody has a little social anxiety, but when it heightens to a point where it begins to control your life — bailing on social events to avoid embarrassment, preferring not to have phone conversations in public and attempting to imitate the personalities of others in an effort to appear “normal” — well, that is a disorder.
As a former sufferer of social anxiety for the last 19 years, I can confidently say that my life up to this point has essentially been a social nightmare. Although I went to a really good grade school, and an even better high school, often times I would become the victim of bullying because of my inability to socialize with others.
“Antisocial” practically became my middle name, even among my family members, and the questions of “Why don’t you talk?” “Are you okay?” and “Why so serious?” were more commonly asked of me than a simple “How are you?”
During high school, a time when socializing was a higher priority for most students than getting good grades, I would spend my Friday nights playing video games and watching countless movies until I fell asleep. I had no friends in school or in my neighborhood.
Social anxiety continued to dominate my life, creating social uneasiness everywhere I went, and thus contributing to a lack of friends. Basically, for 19 years, I didn’t have a life.
Social anxiety can be inherited, or it can be developmental. But probably more interesting than how it is attained is how does one get rid of it?
Unfortunately, it took me a while to finally find out how, but the first step is to identify that social anxiety is something that you have. After that, therapy sessions, medication or a combination of both can help to relieve some of that anxiety.
The purpose of this article was primarily to make people who do not have social anxiety more aware of what it is and how it can have a profound impact on peoples lives.
As a person who has struggled with social anxiety, countless times I would be ignored, bullied or socially outcasted by my peers who thought I just didn’t want to talk to them. That was not the case.
And with social anxiety being the third most common mental disorder and the number one anxiety disorder in the U.S., I am a believer that the world could be a better place if more people were aware of it and were more accepting to those struggling with it.