We’ve all been there: running from Kiewit to Harper in 15 minutes.

The cute outfit you wore today? Drenched in sweat. The boots that matched said outfit? Waging war against your feet.

When you do finally get to class, you find yourself panting and chugging water, struggling to get stuff out of your backpack in time as your classmates look at you weirdly. Those with long commutes such as Kiewit to Harper find this story painfully familiar as their day consists of one long calf workout. And as a former cross-country runner myself, I can confirm that that hill still sucks.

However, your complaints about the hills that make up Creighton’s campus may soon come to a close with what I would like to propose. And no, it’s not the definitely real tunnels that lie underneath the mall. Instead, I would like to implement a system of powered ziplines throughout campus.

The system would be relatively simple with one massive tower on 24th street which would act as a hub, connecting every building on campus to one central location. From there, different buildings would act as quasi hubs, connecting places like Davis and Kenefick to Brandeis, or Kiewit to the law school, allowing students to get near where they want to go.

We’ve all sat down at one point in time, Kiewit kids especially, and said, “where the actual hell is my tuition going?” This. This is what your hard earned (or parent’s hard earned) money would go to.

Not only would this make use of all your tuition dollars, but it would also decrease overall tuition cost by attracting more students to come to Creighton. How much more likely would you have been to come to Creighton if you had known that there was a massive system of zip lines waiting for you? Exactly.

Possibly the most important thing to consider here is that zip lines are fun and would greatly improve the quality of life of those on campus, both in terms of happiness and ability to get to class.

Finally, this system would be much safer than just walking. How many times have you almost been hit by a car on 24th street when totally not paying attention? Too many to count right? With the new Creighton zip line system, you would be above the cars, thereby making it a much safer system.

While the obvious rebuttal is “can the average Creighton business student understand a system complex as this?”, I can assure you that it would be foolproof. Instead of welcome week, we would just have seven days of zipline safety training, ensuring that even marketing students can figure it out.

In conclusion, this easy to implement mass of wires and cables would allow students to get to class quicker, safer, and with more style, while also increasing Creighton’s attendance and profits.

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