Every now and then, I’m walking around campus with a mask on my face, exuberant about Creighton’s hygiene. The thought of hundreds of young adults getting stabbed in the nostril until they cry brings a smile to my face. Simply the concept of forcing thousands to sit down while they are lacerated by a thin needle that contains the remnants of a biological horror causes a chortle to dance around my mouth.
It also makes my heart flutter with joy until my eyes gaze across the mall to see a group of indecent, grubby children in front of Brandeis. These heartless demons are half-naked, sitting on the lawn, causing the green grass to wither away.
In front of them, boxes from Brandeis dinner lay empty and untouched for several minutes. Whenever this sight plagues me, I try and look away, but their monstrous features attract my eyes. It is then that I look at their faces, no food or drink in or near their mouths.
At this point, I bend over and gag at the sight of such human indecency as I realize that these are actually fellow members of the Creighton community, letting the whole world know what their mouths look like. The fact that what these heathens do isn’t considered public indecency is a crime in and of itself.
The sight of such nakedness in public is shameful. It’s the equivalent of a man walking down the mall in his Speedo and no shirt. There is a right time and place to wear it, but by no means should someone dress like that casually.
In the case of face coverings, there is a right time to dress without them, like in one’s room, the fitness facilities, or while they are eating or drinking; however, at no point should I be subjected to someone’s bare mouth in any other situation. It is an affront to my liberties, and I’ve had enough.
There was a point in my college career when I could say I was proud to be a Bluejay, but with how many times I’ve been harassed by people flashing their teeth at me, I don’t know what to think anymore. So, I implore every member of this blessed community to rethink their position on masks and take a stand against this public nudity crisis.