With the quick and solemn departure of the spooky season, I wanted to reflect on its beauty before we say goodbye to one of the year’s best months.
Similar to what I did last year, I wanted to leave off the season with a top five list, but this time I’ll be doing a top five Halloween costume list.
Before I continue though, I wanted to cast away any doubt about the subjectivity of this list.
I had gathered a sufficient sample in the process of making this piece, and the result of the polling was an astonishing one hundred percent response rate.
However, I know you aren’t here to read about my sampling methods, so let us jump right into the list with number five who received one hundred percent of the fifth-place votes: army guy.
Nothing screams spooky like a child harnessing the power of PTSD to scare elderly folks out of their candy with their faces covered in camouflage face paint, cargo pants, and hyper-realistic guns. As a result, this costume is a staple.
Furthermore, the ability to minimize or maximize the design gives it a flexibility that few other costumes can provide.
By strapping a thirty-pound rucksack to the back of a child, handing them a real-gun that may or may not be loaded, and covering them in soot, dust, and fake blood, you have a costume that is bound to have the mom’s club fawning over you.
Next, with our first-ever tie, we have two Star Wars costumes, the jedi and clone trooper costumes.
Nothing is more appealing than an elongated glow stick, so Halloween is the perfect excuse to not only carry one around but also assert dominance over non-lightsaber users.
Regarding the clone trooper costume, this one is an obvious staple because everyone has watched Star Wars the Clone Wars and wants to blow up those “clankers” just like Captain Rex did, but instead of “clankers,” it’s those giant Hershey bars your rich neighbor is handing out.
Before we continue though, I want to reassert the validity of this list. Sure, all of these items are costumes that I once wore as a child, but the sample never lies.
Moving on, the next costume, with one hundred percent of the second-place votes, is the monochromatic spandex bodysuit that also covers the entire head.
Like the army guy costume, this costume has extreme flexibility. By adding LED lights, you can become a glowing stick figure, or it can be used as a bottom layer for any bulky costume placed over it.
Then, there’s the fun factor. There’s something hilarious about a faceless, skin-tight bodysuit running around, for this reason it earns it's second-place spot
Also, for those doubters out there, I never wore this costume as a child, but my friends sure did and, boy, was I jealous.
Lastly, we have the best possible costume of the spooky season, who miraculously received one hundred percent of the first-place votes. It represents everything we love about the spooky season, the food, the chills, the fun, the whole aesthetic.
As a result, if you ever see someone in an Arcor Strawberry-Flavored Hard Candy costume, remember to thank and appreciate them because they truly understand the spirit of Halloween.