In light of the steady threat of child abductions (or involuntary adoptions, as abductors affectionately call them), recent studies performed by data analysts involving abducted child recovery rates suggest that maybe the panacea for this severe but somewhat unlikely crime lies in the palm of your hands -- or maybe in the palm of your toddler's hand.
Yes, those portable rectangular prism-shaped devices that occupy our attention for several hours a day or that replace the need for basic cerebral activity due to ready access to a plethora of information might be a promising solution for locating abducted children.
While some paranoid parents employ drastic measures, such as microchips, baby monitors, and trackers into their children, not all parents have quite reached the pinnacle of helicopter parenting. Thanks to this new age of advanced and highly accessible technology, the portable babysitters in the palms of your toddler's Cheeto dust-coated hands may just save his or her life. Similarly, elementary or middle school-aged children equipped with the latest iPhone may be able to harness the salvation offered by this hack of technological modernity.
The convenient Find My iPhone feature automatically installed in each of your iPhones may just enable yourself or authorities to track the exact latitudinal and longitudinal coordinates of your missing child. As a direct byproduct of the commonly possessed instant gratification impulse lauded in the modern world, each child not currently in utero is almost automatically granted with a smart device of some sort -- usually an Apple device. This inadvertent rite of passage becomes an implicit birthright into this screen-addicted world.
Most commonly, middle school-aged students strictly adhering to the unspoken uniform of the Lululemon athleisure garb surreptitiously conceal their iPhones in one of the millions of pockets in their yoga pants. This enables the parents of the missing tween, after contacting local authorities, to employ the Find My iPhone feature in order to locate the iPhone discreetly tucked into the child's clothing.
Furthermore, because small children with the attention span of caffeinated gnats are routinely occupied by their rectangular-prism shaped babysitters, whether sitting in germ-infested shopping carts at the local grocery store or in the booth of a crowded restaurant, unsuspecting child abductors may fall victim to the relentless efforts of enterprising parents that locate the iPhone that is nestled in their child's tiny hands or mouth using the Find My iPhone feature.
So the next time an AMBER Alert is issued regarding a recent child abduction, perhaps the Find My iPhone feature is transitively installed in the missing child. By enabling local authorities and guardians of the victim of abduction to capitalize on the automatic inclusion of their parent's iPhone in their hands or pockets, we may be able to eventually eliminate the threat of child abduction, one blue light-emitting screen at a time.
Although rampant adolescent anxiety is often attributed to the proliferation of the modern world by screens, perhaps this birthright might have a redeeming quality after all.