One of the hardest things for people to do is stick together. We make friends to break friends. We come together and fall apart. We do this as time passes, as weeks and months go by we forget. We can’t decide who or what to be loyal to and when. We’re so selective about who or what to remain loyal to and for how long that eventually, we forget to commit to ourselves.

Look around the mall. How many people do you see holding hands? Probably none, and if you do see any it probably seems weird or like something out of junior high. Maybe it is immature or outdated, but it’s also really sad because it reflects something way deeper. Take this quote from Alicia, a student at Duke University featured in the book Unhooked by Laura Stepp: “I was thinking about how easily people will go to bed with someone, but how freaked out they would be if they had to walk around sober holding that person’s hand.” If you think about it, we’ve sort of abandoned romance as the decades wear on. This isn’t how we really feel. Everyone wants something more than a weekend hook up but we’re too scared to show it. I don’t know about you but I agree with Alicia. I think we all miss those days.

Take another look around the mall. How many people do see talking on their cell phones? I always wonder what it was like before cell phones were around. Did people actually talk to each other as they walked from class to class? Technology makes it easy to talk to someone a thousand miles away, but we can’t bring ourselves to talk to the person right next to us.

What else do we forget about? Think about any tragedy that has happened recently. Think about all the tragic shootings that have happened this past year. Von Mauer happened and everyone talked about it for a few weeks. Two girls lost their lives at a church shooting in Colorado Springs and it was lightly discussed. Then last month six students were killed at Northern Illinois and we completely forgot about it a week later.

So what are we doing exactly? I once heard someone give a great metaphor about the Titanic. He said the sinking of the Titanic was that generation’s 9/11. The ship sank and the survivors stuck together on the lifeboats. After 9/11 and after Columbine and Von Mauer we all came together for a brief moment. But once we reach land we always run away and fall apart again. This is where vice kicks in. Our minds can’t take the dissonance between how we act and how we really feel. So we start drinking, hooking up, anything to take our mind off it. We dedicate ourselves to other things. That kid yelling about a political candidate? Speakers preaching the immorality of contraception? Fred Phelps? All commitment issues, big time.

For some reason, we have no problem arguing with each other about what president we want but we refuse to talk about problems right in front our faces. These are the problems we can actually change. If you went to the Post Secret speaker, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Everyone has these little problems, these little issues that eat at us every day. If you stop stumbling around drunk or yelling into your megaphone about your political views for long enough to look around, you can do a whole lot more to change the world. It doesn’t take much effort to be nice to someone who is lonely, or talk to someone you know is torn up over a break up, or let your friend with an eating disorder know you care. It just takes a moment to reflect on what you really care about and not these vices that we use as distractions.

This is not the world we want to live in. We don’t want to wake up next to people and not remember the night before. We don’t want to ignore our neighbors and our community. We definitely don’t want any more violence on campuses. It doesn’t have to be like this. So what do we do? My friend would tell us to get back on the lifeboats. Nothing makes me happier than when I see people holding hands or when random people say hey to each other. We know how we really feel and we know what is really important. Have you heard that Beatle’s song “Come Together”? How about Achebe’s Things Fall Apart? We can come together or fall apart. Friendship, love, empathy–this is what matters. Commit yourself to that.