Senators Barack Obama and John McCain debated on Friday, September 26. Each candidate did what he needed to do. Obama appeared knowledgeable, and McCain planted seeds about Obama’s foreign policy. There were still obvious overtones. Here is debate that took place in the candidates’ heads:

“The economy is falling apart. Thanks a bunch, shooter.”

“Don’t blame me. I’ve been a maverick for years. If I had it my way, the government would only buy the essentials: pens for me to veto Congress’ spending bills.”

“Look John, you don’t understand the nuances of the economy. The Bush spending orgy – this squandering binge of the last eight years has crippled Main Street while leaving Wall Street a crumbling temple of deregulation.”

“Everything has to do with sex and drinking to you liberals. How can you and your hippie buds fix Main Street without understanding small-town values? Are you going to smoke the greed and corruption out with some ganja?”

“I don’t think you understand. And don’t take that tone with me, please. Let’s play fair and get back to the economy.”

“The economy. Ha. How naive. What’s more important: me losing one of my seven condos or President Ahmadinejad bombing us to smithereens? Face it kiddo, our country is a big red, white and blue bull’s-eye for Al Queda.”

“There you go again, John. You can’t just group all of our enemies together under the title of Al Queda. Anyway, Al Queda would not be as half as bad if it were not for our misplacement of troops in Iraq, which the a war, just in case you didn’t remember, I opposed at the start. That is why I have made the very bold and very presidential decision to launch strikes against Al Queda in Pakistan.”

“Hush. You would launch military strikes against Pakistan? Don’t say that out loud. Let me give you some advice, young apprentice: if you want to attack Pakistan, play it cool. Play it like Bush and Cheney. Everyone knew they wanted to attack Iraq, but they waited until 9/11 before they did anything. Just wait for something bad to happen, and then use everyone’s bad feelings and guilt to justify a war with Pakistan.”

“You’re smart. I mean tricky. This is yet another example of the old-style politics. We’ve spent more than $500 billion in Iraq. I play a lot of basketball, and let me tell you, you dropped the ball.”

“You will never get it. Look at my bracelet. A mother of a dead veteran gave me this bracelet. She wants me to stay in Iraq until mission accomplished part deux.”

“I didn’t know you spoke French. Well, John, I have a bracelet too. A mother of a dead veteran gave it to me so that I would end the war in Iraq. And this veteran died in a road side bombing.”

“My veteran died waving American flag in his arm while a bunch of terrorists shocked him with a car battery.”

“You’re missing the point. You haven’t learned one thing from the war.”

“I’ve learned you cannot have a failed strategy, which will cause you to lose the conflict.”