I love the rain, plain and simple. I love the calming noise of droplets crashing on the window accompanied by a cool, steady breeze. It presents the atmosphere appropriate for warm coffee and a good book, or what I like to call “a piece of heaven.” It really appears to be coming down out there.

Wait. What’s this?

Do my eyes deceive me? Oh yes it is raining, but the offbeat patter appears to be coming from a sprinkler.

This lovely sight turns my mood from relaxed to outright proud watching the grass drown in the puddles that are beginning to grow in the courtyard of my dormitory.

It is at this moment that I fear the powers that be at Creighton have lost their common sense, but who truly needs that?

The blatant displays of wastefulness have twisted my view of this school, which I have called home for the past four years, to one of radical skepticism.

All it should take is a minimally inquisitive eye to have noticed something far more obvious: we have all been bamboozled.

I really must hand it to you. The board, for not only luring us in, but picking our pockets, while simultaneously making it seem fun and exciting as you shred my hard earned scraps of green. I give the standing ovation as you convince me with the beautiful lush garden that campus is allowed to be for the first two weeks of school (and if we are lucky the last week of classes or so in the spring) before it is uprooted and tossed out like last year’s hottest Christmas ornaments.

To do it one better, why take the initiative to watch the sprinkling arches and the weather forecast? You are right that it would be wasteful to shut down landscaping during inclement weather, for I love seeing my tuition dollars watering the mall instead of the rain-soaked lawns.

I am glad to help in the beautification.

I am delighted that so much money was put into the gas guzzling humvee of architecture that is the Harper Center and resembles more so an airport terminal than a

center for study.

I love that gaping black hole of energy (not even the light bill can escape it), for I suppose it is a nice, welcoming coatroom where I can hang my jacket as I enter the real campus. Is there another purpose for it?

Perhaps I will one day find it.

I would prefer a state-of-the-art, non-environmentally friendly building on the far side of the world to a new residence hall to give a home to freshmen and sophomores. I would much rather see them buckle under the stresses of real world home-searching in a sad excuse for a housing market.

I much prefer Creighton’s closet to a new library for, I do delight in fearing for the structural integrity of my study spaces while welcoming the leaking stream of mildew and mold-infested rain water leaking (each drop now complete with its own pathogenic ecosystem!) onto my x-hundred-dollar-

valued textbooks.

One more thing, my board: there is no need for another parking spot (or lord, imagine the expenses of a garage on Burt Street and how it would eventually pay itself off in less than a few years). I would much rather play death race for my parking spot and then amazing race to class. Look, another money opportunity. Film it too. If people watch Jersey Shore, they will watch this.

I understand your attempts to plead with students that we are in hard economic times and can’t afford excessive spending, and that is why I will pay your ridiculous tuition raises and be content with subpar accommodations. Now I can’t know for sure know your intensions, my gracious board, but if I may be permitted to judge by your actions, I can definitely tell the students’ best interests are kept close to

the heart.