On the way home yesterday as I was scanning my way through the radio stations and figuring out what to write about for this week, a familiar country song by Miranda Lambert came on that gave me the inspiration I was searching for. The song playing was “Baggage Claim.” The lyrics may not be that meaningful (I mean, after the first chorus the point has been made), but I found myself thinking, “preach girl.”
Essentially, Miranda is fed up with her boy’s baggage and isn’t dealing with it anymore because she has enough of her own. So she left it at the baggage claim for him to pick up. Nice pun Miranda.
Whether we like it or not, baggage comes along with every relationship. Before entering the world of adult dating I never really understood the importance of factors such as shared pets, ex-fiances, and even children that play into relationships. I can remember when my aunt would flip out whenever her boyfriend’s ex’s name was mentioned. I always figured she was ancient history and that there was nothing to worry about, so why all the fuss?
The truth is, everyone has an ex story, but whether that story has a happy or not so happy ending will determine how the relationship plays out. Say he or she has been cheated on. Because of that experience your significant other could have a tough time believing you and might accuse you of all the things his or her ex did to him or her. What do you do to solve this problem? Deal with it right away and be upfront about how this excess baggage makes you feel. If you think that by keeping quiet things will eventually go away, think again. If after having that chat and nothing has changed, take Miranda’s advice and leave him or her and the baggage behind and move on to someone who respects you enough to not drag you through the dirty ex laundry.
If you are dealing with his or her “I’ve been single for a long time” or the “I’m not looking for commitment” baggage, solving it involves a different route. In the case of the “single for a long time” try and work as much face time in as possible. If he or she is always blowing you off and all about “me, me, me,” ask yourself if he or she is really in this for the relationship or is in it merely for the convenience.
Tackling the “commitment-phobe” is another story. Keep in mind that there could be multiple reasons as to why he or she won’t commit. It could be anything from witnessing his or her parents’ unhappy marriage to just simply wanting to play the field more before he or she gets serious with anyone. Just take a step back and ask yourself if you can handle dealing with a “repeated head banging against the wall” situation and if he or she is really worth it.
Lastly, make sure you have your own baggage in check. The past is something you learn from, not something that should hold you back.