In celebrity-dom, few stars command the attention of the masses like the Biebs (that’s Justin Bieber: pop music, tween-heartthrob, decent-smelling-perfume-making sensation for the culturally illiterate). And in case you happened to be living your life this past week and did not pay any attention to the celebrity rumor mill, there’s quite a bit of gossip out there that Justin Bieber has fathered an offspring.
Say it isn’t so! If it’s true, Bieber can add teen father to his ever-growing list of “occupations,” although I don’t think this one will have quite the public relations “dream come true” vibe that his women’s perfume collection did.
Let’s put all joking aside and look at the facts. Teen pregnancy is not glamorous, despite what MTV’s “Teen Mom” or “16 and Pregnant” might tell the youth of America. It’s hard and often has very negative consequences, on both child and parents.
That’s not to say that all teen parents are doomed from the get-go. I have known a few that have been the exception. But that’s exactly my point: They were the exception. The rule is that teen parents and their offspring struggle exceedingly and that is a very sad
rule, indeed.
The situation that JB happens to find himself in can have one of three consequences, which I will conveniently outline for you.
1) The child is his. Now there is a genetic offspring of, as one of my professors calls him: “the devil,” roaming the world. The Biebs can step up and take care of this child and be the best father he can be. I doubt Junior will want for much because Daddy’s loaded. The typical teen parenthood scenario of struggling to make ends meet or getting an education will be soothed by the millions in Bieber’s bank account.
2) The child is his, only this time, JB plays the “Distant Daddy” card. He may be a father genetically, but that doesn’t mean that he has to be one emotionally. I hope that if the child is his, that he will not take this route. It’s such an ugly one to take.
3) The child is not his. Boy, did Justin dodge a bullet there! But the sad fact remains that the 20-year-old mother of the child now has to go out searching for the real father. In the meantime, the poor child is minus one crucial parent. This situation may end up in Bieber’s favor, but the child loses out. Think of the children!
At the time of publishing, the results of Justin Bieber’s paternity test results were known only to God. But a friend of mine mentioned that if Bieber knew he might be the father, even by the smallest margin, he would not publically announce that he planned to take such a test.
Oh, but I am well prepared for this retort. The arsenal is ready. Let me explain.
When I am ill and quarantined to my living room, I delight in watching daytime TV. It is literally the best part about being sick. And while I lay there recovering, you can bet that I’ll be
watching “Maury.”
In case you did not know, nearly every paternity test ever done in the history of the world has been done on “Maury” (a sarcasm font would come in handy here). Men go on that show, absolutely convinced that there is no chance that they are the fathers of those children. They point to silly physical features (“That baby doesn’t have my freckles or my hairline”) or bonding issues (“The baby cries when I hold it so I must not be the father”) to prove that they are not the fathers, but when Maury reads the results and triumphantly proclaims, “You ARE the father,” the men flip out. How could this be? It’s not possible!
After cooling down and holding their little bundle of joy, the men promise that they will “man-up” and take care of their child. I hope that they do, but the better part of me says that they do not.
And so it is with Justin Bieber. This whole scenario could play out like an episode of “Maury”. He might feel confident he is not the father, but what a “gotcha” moment will ensue if he is. Let’s hope that if he is the father (hope is too strong a word, because I wouldn’t hope for Justin Bieber to be my father), he takes the high road and will be there, both physically and emotionally, for his baby.
After all, that’s what good fathers do.