Madonna is too old to be dancing like she did and wearing what she wore. There, I said it. Everyone was thinking it, I’m sure. Not only did the Cleopatra-esque get-up make me want to shield my eyes, but her hip-thrusting seductiveness was revolting. Okay, yes, she is a talented singer. But I feel as though her time to dress like she’s in her 20s is over, or at least should be. Unfortunately, though, she is not the only one NOT dressing her age.

Perhaps that was unfair to launch into a rant about how women are dressing these days, but things are as they are. Now I am taught and believe that “judge not, lest you be judged.” In this case, judge me all you want because I admit that I judge women who dress as though they are 30 years younger than they are.

If you are in your 50s and you look good enough to be wearing tight spanky shorts and busty tops, you go Glen Coco. But seeing as though I don’t feel it’s necessary for anyone to be wearing these, I definitely don’t think it’s necessary for a woman in her 40s or 50s to wear it.

I think its great how many people love the color pink. However, I struggle with the amount of middle-aged women who are so proud of their love of pink that they feel it necessary to wear the terry jumpsuit from Victoria’s Secret with the huge “LOVE PINK” logo on the back. “NOT NECESSARY” is what I would like it to say. Just a thought, but maybe that should stay a secret.

Now I don’t want to make it sound like young teenage girls or women in their 20s deserve to have all of the fun. And maybe I’m just old-fashioned, (let’s face it, I am) but there are so many nice outfits that are figure-flattering and age-appropriate for middle-aged women. Those nice outfits are not going to be found in the PINK store or at Forever 21. I could go into a whole other rant about the lack of quality fashion choices (affordable ones) for college-aged women too, but we’ll save that for another time.

Another disclaimer: ask anyone, I am not a fashionista. I am a master of four colors: black, white, brown and gray. Take it from my roommates, who literally disallow me from buying clothes in those colors or who tell me that I really should consider dressing nicely to class, even though I wake up far too early to want to do such a thing.

But if there is one thing I do well – in my humble, fashion-lacking opinion – it is age-appropriateness. I don’t assert myself as a professional in fashion at all, and I can confidently say that I will never be a writer of fashion trends. I just find myself, this week, to be a writer of fashion sins — particularly inspired by Madonna.

The Super Bowl is a time for us to sit back, eat gluttonously, drink merrily, be bombarded by million-dollar advertising and apparently learn that world peace is Madonna’s mission (???), but I would prefer next time to not be abused by her horrific dancing and creative outfits.