Because spring is in full swing and all of the campus squirrels are mating, I can’t help but compare human romances to animal affairs.

Maybe I’ve  been watching “Mean Girls” too much lately.  Either way, I’ve found the similarities pretty hilarious. Do you think that you have no animal instincts? Think again.

First of all there is the obvious — appearance. What you wear can easily attract a mate. Girls get decked out in vibrant colors and fancy jewelry. She might wear heels to go out on the town and she’ll probably wear something that accentuates her best features. Everyone knows that.

And just like in the animal world, males are just as likely to use their outfit to attract the ladies. I like to call this peacock effect because as everyone knows, the male peafowl are the ones who wave around their beautiful colors to attract a mate.

In the human world this could mean wearing pastels. How many times has Barney Stinson on “How I Met Your Mother” worn something that is guaranteed to start a conversation with a lady? He does everything from “suiting up” to wearing an eye patch so he can, well, catch somebody’s eye.

It happens in real life too, though. This past St. Patrick’s Day, I was in Greensboro, N.C. for the NCAA tournament. I went to downtown Greensboro to celebrate the holiday. The adorable Irish bar I was at was filled with people, but one particular guy captured my attention. He was wearing a collared shirt buttoned all the way up and had his jacket tied around his waist as though he was an elementary schooler who was little too warm on a field trip.

He was extremely attractive otherwise, so I just had to talk to him to figure out why he was dressed the way he was. I roped him into a conversation with me by playing the “Nebraskan on vacation” card and we started chatting. When I just couldn’t take it anymore I finally asked him why he was wearing such a weird get-up. He replied, “Well isn’t it obvious? To get girls to start a conversation with me, with no effort on my part. And it worked didn’t it?” I had fallen victim to peacock syndrome.

He then introduced me to his friend who was also trying to meet a lady by using the peacock effect. He was dressed to the nines and was a southern belle’s dream. But then I noticed he was wearing not just ONE button down shirt, but TWO layered on top of each other. Usually the preppy look makes me weak at the knees, but this just too much for me to handle. Luckily I had an excuse to exit the conversation when he mentioned he had graduated from UNC. Talk about your double deal breakers!

Dressing flashy or interestingly isn’t the only way we’re similar to animals though. Have you seen the way a guy or girl will circle around at a party or a bar to stalk their prey or “locate” their interest? It never fails to amuse me to watch a girl strut around a bar, trying to locate the guy that she is romantically interested in. In human terms this is called “making the rounds” or “doing a lap.” They pretend to be interested in seeing all of their friends at the bar or the party, but really they’re just trying to locate that one special guy and “accidentally” run into him, or just “casually say hi.”

Once a target has been located, a person keeps an eye on them at all times, even if they haven’t talked to that person yet. This is a protective instinct.

Have you ever wondered why things might get so heated on the dance floor? That’s because it is a natural thing associated with mating. Most girls do love a guy who can cut a rug. Sea dragons use subtle dancing as courtship ritual before mating. (Yes, now my obsessive love of Footloose makes a lot more sense.)

The same goes for singing. I know I always swoon for a guy who can sing. Well, that makes me no different from a koala bear. Koalas sing to attract a mate. The first girl to respond to a male’s sing-songy call gets to date him.

The same can be said for a guy who can cook. Robins charm their mates by laying out a buffet for them of bugs and worms. I mean, don’t hand a girl a plate of earthworms or anything, but cooking for her is always a way to win a girl over.

I could go on for days about how we are so similar to animals and their dating routines. Dating like animals do definitely isn’t a bad thing, though. In fact I think we could all afford to take some dating tips from the animal world. So I guess go out, have fun, and as The Bloodhound Gang suggests, “do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.”