I hate October.

Sure, we get a week off of school. Yes, four people in my family have birthdays to celebrate. And the crisp autumn air is a nice buffer before the frigid midwest winter.

But it also has Halloween. And Halloween is the absolute worst holiday.

Obviously, it’s great to go door to door and get candy from strangers. But I haven’t been able to do that without being a weirdo since the last time Nebraska played in a BCS bowl game. Sure, I can buy an obscene amount of candy, but I already can—and to a certain degree, do—do that.

There’s not much that’s good about the costumes, length of the season or the frightening things you have to endure. It’s just not that enjoyable.

As for Halloween costumes, there is no middle ground. You can throw on a referee shirt, sunglasses and whistle; be a blind referee; and call it good. But if that’s your only plan, I can’t help but call you lame and unoriginal.

Conversely, you can go all-out on a costume that’s creative, comfortable and intricate. But ain’t nobody got time for that.

So what are you left with? Either hours and hours of careful planning wasted for four to eight hours of recognition. Or a sub-par costume that only generates eye rolls and patronizing comments.

And the length of Halloween is ridiculous. It’s not just a one-day event, but its season also isn’t that great. It doesn’t carry the same weight as other great holidays like Thanksgiving or the Fourth of July. But its season is so dwarfed by Christmas season that it’s hardly worth mentioning.

Yes, I can watch Hocus Pocus every day for two weeks. But I can listen to Christmas music on the radio today until January. That, albeit a little absurd, is what a serious holiday season is all about.

As for Halloween’s season, it’s dedicated to scaring people, supernatural horrors and being generally dark. That’s not cool.

Some people enjoy being scared and having their adrenaline pumping through their veins. Other people like to watch those people and laugh.

As for me, I don’t enjoy frightening myself enough to lose sleep, act jittery and fear my own shadow. In my younger days—approximately two years ago—I somewhat liked doing that to myself.

Believe me, I was young, dumb and ignorant. I’ve learned my lesson. It wasn’t cool when Paranormal Activity made me lose sleep. It wasn’t cool when Insidious made me scared of the daylight. And it certainly wasn’t cool when Evil Things scared me nearly to the point of tears.

I can escape those horrors for the most of the year. In fact, for about 340 days, it’s not an issue. But the days surrounding Halloween—and the day itself—make it incredibly tough to avoid these petrifying circumstances.

As long as Halloween continues to happen, we will continue to be subjected to these terrors. Halloween will continue to happen. Thus, we will continue to be subjected to these terrors.

But that doesn’t mean I have to like it.