At a recent leadership summit, I attended a session about what makes a “good life,” during which my friend asked, “How do you deal with people who are permanently negative?” This got me thinking about the times in my life when I had to discern how to manage relationships with individuals in my life who just seemed to be downright depressed about anything and everything in their lives. 

Have you ever met someone who seems to experience every negative obstacle in their path like it’s the end of the world? To them, any minor pit stop is a monumental issue, and for some reason, they always seem inclined to make it everyone’s problem. This seems even more prevalent in college; some people really just want to live miserably for what seems like the heck of it. 

Sometimes, I wonder if it’s because that’s their default demeanor. Were they raised this way? Is it so they can get attention? Maybe they legitimately don’t have anything to look forward to. It’s hard to manage how to work with those people, especially if you tend to be a more positive individual, because no matter what, you can’t change a pessimist’s perspective.  

In my experience, it gets to a point where you have to put yourself first. You might be inclined to want to provide as much assurance to the person because the last thing you want to do is make it seem like you don’t care. But the truth is, whether this person realizes it or not, they’re using you in a twisted, more latent way. The more these people get attention from others, the more they realize their methods are working. In a way, you’re being conditioned to always be there, even if it’s slowly eroding you. This isn’t fair for anyone: not you or the other person. You’ll notice the pattern, and after a while you’ll build resentment for the other individual.  

Save yourself the time and grant yourself that space. Build relationships with others who are excited about life and what it has to provide you. As cheesy as it sounds, don’t let your light be dimmed by people who like feeling down. They’re not your responsibility.