In a previous article, fellow writer Owen McGrath and I touched on parasocial relationships, a one-sided friendship with an influencer or public figure. We discussed what they are, why they matter, and where they can be found.
Unfortunately, we didn’t have time to discuss how to avoid them and what to do so you don’t become an even deeper part of the parasocial ecosystem. Sadly, it’s hard to escape them, as I’ve found, and over the years, it has been quite challenging to distance myself from influencers I genuinely care about.
But it must be done, as I never really cared about them and only cared about their internet persona or how they presented themselves. I may love their content and appreciate them as a person, but if I don’t even know who they are, they can’t be my friend.
Once again, I’m not referring to all creators when I use the words “creator” or “influencer,” but rather just the ones that actively foster parasocial relationships.
First, be wary of influencers who use words like “love” or “adore” when describing their fans. This is not inherently problematic, but when coupled with meetups or signings, it can foster strange, one-sided relationships between influencers and their fans.
Many times, but not all of the time, this plays into a larger PR scheme for influencers; plenty of major influencers have PR and management behind them. It is also advantageous to play into it since adoration for your fans increases the chance they’ll be loyal to you. Your loyal fans will be by your side when the content stream runs dry.
When interacting with creators, you must recognize that the people you see through the screen aren’t people you know in real life – unless they are.
Snapchat introduced a feature back in 2021 that allowed fans of a creator to swipe up and reply to their story.
Creators often use the Snapchat “Story Reply” feature to talk to their fans. This way, users can support and remain in communication with their favorite creators. Snapchat corroborates this, saying it’s a great way to engage in “meaningful conversations around the Stories you post” (Snapchat).
Creators can pick and choose which story replies to make public and thus highlight what they want to see. Snapchat even has a disclaimer below the feature reminding users that creators can post their replies to their public story, which may have millions of weekly viewers. This is a sound feature since Snapchat grants the user informed consent, and everyone goes home with what they were promised.
Yet, the main problem is that influencers frequently talk to fans as if they’re friends. Fans will leave comments, influencers will reply, usually accompanied by a snap, and life continues.
Story replies aren’t how you start a conversation with someone, much less someone you don’t even know in real life. In that case, this article doesn’t apply to you. But for most of us who don’t know any influencers or celebrities in real life, it’s staggering to see them reply to your comment. It’s addicting to see someone of such stature and social power would even bother to respond to my comment, much less view it in the first place.
Thinking about things from an influencer’s perspective is important. Put yourself in the shoes of your favorite influencer for a second as you read the next section.
If you had a fan come up to you while you’re at dinner with your significant other and ask for a picture, then ask how the food was, then anxiously remark on how much you mean to them, how would you feel?
How would you feel if fans knew where you lived or your Mother’s maiden name?
Influencers also want privacy, though part of putting yourself online means you can’t stay anonymous forever. Putting up boundaries with fans is essential to not only an influencer’s safety but also their livelihood.
Deconstructing parasocial relationships relies on us social media users, if you are one, to take the first step and not engage with creators that foster parasocial relationships in the first place. The only thing standing between you and this creator is your conscious awareness of what following them gets you.