Over the course of the past year, I’ve become much more talkative. In middle school, I was the girl who was forced to sit next to the chatty students so they would be quieter; I barely raised my hand in class, even if I knew the answer to a question. I would walk around with headphones in and music loud enough to drown out anyone who tried to stop me, even if just to say hi. But I’ve come out of this phase of life — now I’m the one who stops people to say hi! I love talking to random people for a short time, creating a fun moment we can reminisce on later. Sometimes a conversation in a bathroom could change your life. Life is full of small connections; you don’t always need to have a long, deep discussion to have an enjoyable moment with someone.  

However, an issue arises when I talk to someone who mistakes my immediate forwardness as an invitation or an indication that I am seeking a relationship that extends beyond the one we currently possess. Don’t get me wrong, I think everyone is seeking lasting, meaningful relationships, and I almost always welcome that development later on. I don’t want to feel like I have to stop being friendly or I need to be on the lookout for anyone who may want to take advantage of my kindness or openness.  

I find it important to foster confidence in myself and other women; we are living in a crisis of confidence. The book “The Confidence Gap” by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman talks about how a vast majority of women tend to undervalue their abilities and downplay their achievements. We are expected to be meek and humble all the time. So, when we are not fitting into that mold, a quick conversation is often misconstrued as an invitation. This is not a universal reaction, but it is a common one. Many women in my life have experienced the confidence gap in one way or another, whether it is a fear of speaking up in class or a fear of an unwanted advance from a stranger.  

I’m not saying you shouldn’t shoot your shot with someone you just met, but I think misunderstanding the intention of a short, simple conversation is not a good foundation for any form of relationship.  

I find myself at a bit of a crossroads: I can either change myself to fit the societal expectations of not talking to strangers unless you want something from them, or…what? The world changes and suddenly everyone has the ability to put themselves in someone else’s shoes and can recognize when they make them uncomfortable? These options are both unattainable. Regardless of the outcome, I will continue to enjoy my middle school role reversal. Who will be the silent one forced to sit by me next?