It can be found everywhere, from sappy greeting cards to the final scene in a chick flick; however, in reality, the psychology of love does not always paint a perfect Hollywood picture, said Dr. Corey Guenther, assistant professor of psychology.
“As much as we want it, Hollywood’s fairy tale ending is grossly exaggerated in the media,” he said.
The media particularly stresses love during the week of Valentine’s Day. This week spotlights those who are in a relationship or pressures singles to find a partner, he said.
“People see [Valentine’s Day] as the time of the year where being single is highlighted and feel a need to maintain a positive self image so they look for a relationship partner,” Guenther said.
For Arts & Sciences sophomore Justin Pelton, Valentine’s Day is a day to show love to everyone, especially his girlfriend of three years. Even after the honeymoon stage, he said he still feels like he is “walking on air.”
Guenther said in order for a long-term relationship to last, love must change.
“There are different types of love,” he said. “An initial attraction turns into an intense longing and the love preoccupies your thoughts. The love changes the longer you get to know someone. The passionate love turns into an affection we feel for a person who is deeply intertwined in our lives.”
When it comes to the psychological aspect of attraction, research disproves the theory that opposites attract, Guenther said. A person ultimately chooses to marry someone who is similar to him or herself, both physically and personality-wise.
“Disagreement can cause dislike,” Guenther said. “People like others who are similar to themselves because it is self-validating, kind of like a pat on the back.”
From a biological standpoint, research proves that what makes a person attractive stems from evolution, Guenther said. Men look for healthy women who can bear children. Women look for men to provide for those children. Guenther said along with examples of evolutionary attraction in the media, attraction can be very personal.
“Attraction is the first initial step in looking for a relationship partner,” Guenther said. “We all have this idea of what is beautiful must be good.”
Valentine’s Day activities for couples should be fun, said Nursing freshman Katie Rall. She is most attracted to someone’s sense of humor and wants to have fun.
Guenther explained that any heightened sense or feeling can be classified as a type of arousal and may be linked to the feeling of being in love. He said a romantic movie, a funny experience, or an exciting new environment can all cause arousal, and therefore, attraction.
“One theory of love is how we label our arousal—there might be a feeling in the air, extra energy in a new social environment, or even going on a date can bring us to an aroused state of mind,” Guenther said.
Hollywood influences how we view love, Guenther said. People find it hard to be single because of the social stigma. Love enhances psychological wellbeing because people feel a sense of self-validation, Geuenther said. Research shows that single people are just as happy as people who are married.
Hollywood chooses to focus its attention on the passionate part of love, said Guenther, and not the transition into a companionship. This gives society the wrong idea and too many expectations.
“We need to understand that love has transitions,” Guenther said. “Love is passionate—but we should not base relationships on something so biased like society.”