Light spark.
Bring to boil.
Move to back burner to simmer.
“Back burner” may be the most dreaded phrase when it comes to labeling a relationship.
It is like a slow-simmer soup that is wildly popular around the holidays, but gets thrown into a Tupperware and waits to be reheated as leftovers. The back burner is the dreaded place where we send relationships that we aren’t quite ready to let cool off.
Why do we do this to people? If we don’t like them, why don’t we just not date them? If we like them enough to “keep ‘em cooking” for the “just in case” scenario, then why don’t we date them? What makes someone “back burner” worthy, and once we put them on the back-burner, will they every progress to the main course?
Are we even conscious of back burning others? Are we consciously choosing who is worthy of a boil instead of a simmer? If we aren’t careful it could turn into an even worse version of that terribly long movie,“He’s Just Not That Into You.”
A lot of people use the excuse that they just don’t want a relationship right now, but don’t want to be lonely. They are constantly riding that line of commit-or-don’t-commit and some have it down to an art. They may like the other person enough to hang out on occasion and use them as a booty-call, but still want to remain single. So now the question is, can one jump from the back burner to the heat of the frying pan?
In my opinion, the answer is no. Once a back burner, always a back burner, that is until it spoils (i.e. the back burner gets attached, angry, jealous, resentful, moldy) and must be tossed out. If you put someone on the back burner, it’s because you just aren’t that into them. We keep people there because we get lonely and want something reliable and comfortable to go back to, but at the end of the day we are looking for a better meal.
We are hoping that someone else will come along and spice up our life and give us a reason to actually commit. The truth of it all is that, if you aren’t committing, if you’re only lukewarm, then you are settling. You’re settling because you are alone, bored, looking for a quick hookup, but still settling nonetheless. No one wants to settle and that is why we keep people on the back of the stove on a low setting until they eventually cool off.
So if you find yourself in this situation and are reciprocating lukewarm back burner feelings, then you can enter a “friends with benefits” situation. However, if you find yourself on the back of the stove and want more than a lukewarm soup fling, get out now and go find yourself a nice lobster dinner.