Whenever thinking of column ideas becomes tedious, I like to help out the three people who regularly read my columns by answering their pressing questions. I do this because nothing is more important to me than assisting those in need. That and it is much easier to fill up space with user- generated content. Those Bleacher Report guys were really on to something. That thing was terrible slideshows.

Now let’s get in to some questions.

Why is Ecuador so awesome?

I’m going to start by rattling off all of the information I know about Ecuador. Its flag has yellow on it, and the number one export of Ecuador is Jose Ribas. Ribas has the unique distinction of being the cutest player on the best college soccer team in the country (It’s official now!). I’m not sure how the transitive properties of cuteness work, but that might make him the cutest man on the planet. Don’t quote me, though, I really don’t need Ryan Gosling groupies hunting me down.

Is Johnny Manziel bigger than college football?

This is an interesting and incredibly nuanced question. It opens up so many other avenues for query, like what is college football, anyway? Are we talking about the physical institutions of higher learning each fielding teams of students in a competitive American football game? Or are we talking about the idea of what college football stands for in the Unites States? I think that is at the heart of the issue. Johnny Manziel is listed at 6-foot-1 and 210 pounds. So he is obviously smaller than two universities. If we count an idea as nothing more than an electrical impulse in the brain, he’s obviously larger than that. He may even have ideas of his own. This is a really tough question; try to be more specific next time.

Why have you never beaten your uncle in a game of H.O.R.S.E.?

That cuts deep. I’m not sure if it’s true, either, Uncle Rock. Basketball-Reference doesn’t have statistics for driveway H.O.R.S.E. games. I can say that I beat my mom in a game this summer (I see you, Dez Bryant).

You have an uncle named Rock?

No, I have an uncle named mineral! Jesus Christ, Marie! Apparently, I’ve never beaten him at H.O.R.S.E.

Why don’t you have a name for your column?

Well, this column has been tentatively titled “Out of Bounds” for about a year now. I know it’s probably the most generic of the “wacky sports guy with a column” names, but I was under the gun. If you have a better idea, please contact me.

Are the Pats going to pick up a deep threat, or are they going to keep throwing five-yard passes on third-and-10?

But don’t you already know? The Pats have a deep threat in Aaron Dobson. He’s really good at football. The Pats would never draft a receiver unless he was going to pan out. Right? Right?

What are your top ten basketball players of all time?

I actually can’t answer this. I tried, like at least three times. I don’t feel comfortable choosing. You’re literally asking me to choose between my childhood heroes. Is that what you want? You are a terrible person.

Alright, guys, I would like to thank anyone who sent in questions for this week. If you would like to submit a question for another column, I can be reached on my personal Facebook, both the @MattBourgault and @sports_cu Twitter handles and through the mail at Box 350, Boston, MA 02134. Send it to me!