We all have that one friend.  

You go out somewhere fancy for a special occasion. You wear something nice, spend the evening preparing. You have everything planned perfectly. You finally get to the location, meet up with your friend and … 

They tell you they don’t want to spend money. You need to choose a different restaurant. They make an excuse that they can’t come. Worse, that they can come but they’ll refuse to eat. They somehow make you the guilty party, even when you thought everybody was on the same page. If it isn’t a restaurant, then it’s a trip you’ve planned for months. If not that, then it’s something else. They just refuse to spend money. 

There’s no shame in being down on your luck, you know that. But this person … well, this person is always down on their luck. They are as miserable as they are miserly, and they make sure you know that. 

But there’s virtue in being frugal, right? Surely, it helps to pass up on the little costs here and there? You can’t fault them for trying to save wherever possible … But I’m sorry to say, it just won’t do any good.  

Everyone’s heard the advice: “you could own a home if you didn’t buy that morning coffee.” It’s the classic one-liner usually sprung by an older, self-proclaimed wiser person than you. But even if we skip our morning indulgences and invest in the difference, the truth is that we simply don’t spend enough to make that saving worthwhile. 

To make those little savings add up, you would need to contribute 20-30% of the average income amount to savings. And all that still won’t come close to funding a big purchase like a house. No one spends 20% of their income on coffee; and once a year trips won’t ruin your financial future. 

Why do we feel like they will? Why do we think skipping minor expenses can be effective, even if we know it can’t? The simple reason is that guilty pleasures, like coffee or skipping a fancy dinner, are a low barrier of entry change for our lives. When people make 3 a.m. resolutions, they don’t consider long-term financial health strategies. They come up with low effort solutions, the kind that will make them feel like they’re accomplishing something. It just so happens that coffee is a popular choice. But those minor changes won’t have substantial return — a cup of coffee a day won’t be the difference between owning a home or not. Capitalism makes us believe that changing trivial spending habits will somehow have a systemic impact, even when we know that realistically it cannot. 

No one needs to be that friend skimping on lunch if everybody receives a fair wage. Nobody would need to pass up on a trip if everyday goods weren’t so expensive. We don’t need to pretend to be misers. We need to refuse to let money control our lives. 

Marx tells us:  

“The less you eat, drink, read books, go to the theatre, the dance hall; the less you think, love, theorize, sing, paint; the more you save –– the greater your capital …” 

“The less you are, the more you have; the less you express your own life, the greater is your alienated life –– the greater is the store of your estranged being.” 

Are we really going to let our frugality rule us?